Maybe you haven’t told anyone that you are trying to get pregnant and every time you get your period you need to talk to someone other than your partner. He is puzzled and tries to cheer you up each time by saying, “don’t worry, honey, you’ll manage another month”. However, what you need is a bit of comfort, someone to cry with you and then tell you that you are doing everything right to get it.
Do you recognise yourself in this situation?
My advice is to seek help. Many women waste precious time before going to an assisted reproduction specialist. Along the way, they receive advice of all kinds, most of the time harmless, but also ineffective. Many of these “false myths” suggest adopting a healthy lifestyle: healthy diet, going to the gym, not drinking alcohol, staying away from tobacco and above all not being stressed or anxious. They also suggest practising new positions in bed, staying with your legs bent after intercourse… I assure you that all this will not change your chances of becoming pregnant in the slightest.
If after a year of regular sexual intercourse pregnancy has not been achieved, the next step is to look for solutions. Choosing a centre or a specialist is not easy. I believe that on your first visit you should set yourself three goals: to have your medical history compiled, to obtain guidance for requesting the first tests and to establish a good doctor-patient relationship. It is very important that you find a doctor in whom you have complete trust, who you feel cares about you, who is concerned about you and who will show you that. Also that he/she is part of a large team: if you want more information that may be useful when evaluating an Assisted Reproduction clinic, you will find it in the post “The price of an IVF“.
Sometimes people undergoing fertility treatment to have a child describe the process as an “emotional rollercoaster”. It is common to feel discouragement, denial, guilt, anxiety, fear of getting your hopes up, fear of failing in your attempts, tiredness and… many other emotions, but they are transitory.
In my opinion, it is good to share it with those closest to you, but it is best to ask them to keep quiet: it is up to you to decide when and how to talk about it. Sometimes it is also best to avoid going out with friends who have babies or with pregnant friends. It is normal to feel uncomfortable. As for the partner, I think you must be closer than ever and support each other, whatever happens. In this situation, each of you will react according to your character, just as you react to other problems in life. I suggest that you take it as a challenge, as a process that can unite you if you put love, romanticism, and irony into it.
I often advise my patients to keep busy. To fill their free time and to spend just a few minutes a day thinking about their treatment. In this short time, they should focus on their goal, imagining how they will feel when they hold their baby in their arms. With today’s advances, 95% of women who undergo reproductive treatment are successful in becoming mothers.